Saturday, January 7, 2012

Opposition. (these are true stories)

No one wants to hear about your new fitness program if you’re over forty.
When someone asks me: “What’s new??” I tell them that I’ve been working out.
That’s when they glaze over.
If I was young and handsome, then talking about exercise and fitness would be cool.  But that’s not my story.
So some people politely ask me if I mean that I’ve been jogging.
Maybe I’ve been going to the rec center to ride the elliptical machine?
I’ve been lifting weights.
That’s when they snicker and shake their heads and try to change the subject.
Later they’ll ask me sarcastically: “Still lifting those weights?”
True story:
Weights and benches and other related equipment really hasn’t been in my budget, so I’ve been watching the classified ads, and I’ve been frequenting a second hand store in our area called “Deseret Industries”
Recently I was at the D.I. and found a couple of great 25lb barbell plates. There was an old man looking them over, and when he saw that I was interested in the plates as well, he backed out of my way. As I picked them up to leave, he started to talk.
“Those are nice ones! I had a friend. I worked with him. He retired. After he retired he bought one of those. A real nice one. I think I remember that it was 300 lbs. Every morning he would jump out of bed and lift that thing into the air over his head and hold it there for several minutes. It worked great for him. He got real strong. Then one morning, he jumped out of bed, and threw that thing over his head into the air, and ……. CRACK!”
The old guy pointed to his knee.
“He hurt his knee?” I asked.
“No! His WHOLE body! CRACK! He broke his whole body!”
I’ve heard many crazy old men tell many crazy stories, so I didn’t mind asking.
“Did he go to the hospital?”
“No! CRACK! It killed him! He was DEAD!”
Yep if your over forty, you’d better not get involved in that weight lifting. Just as any crazy old man.
To heck with crazy old men, and to heck with rude turds who don’t want to hear about my new passion for weight lifting when they ask me what’s new in my life.
I winked at the old man warning me about those 25lb plates and said: “That’s great!”
They’re my plates now, and my weight lifting routine gets better and better.

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